91969

Joke of the Day

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down, he sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending."

"It's stupid that ""girl"" and ""world"" are rhymed together so much in songs when ""squirrel"" is right there for the taking."

"My kids tell me I drink too much. It's funny they don't make the connection."

"Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the ""Caution Wet Floor"" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle."

"Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? *teleports two inches to the right*"

"Jesus said to John, ""Come forth and I will give you eternal life."" But he came fifth and got a toaster."

"Rick Astley will let you borrow all the movies in his Pixar collection except one, He is never gonna give you Up."

"A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra. The mom asks, ""Why on earth do you need that?"" The little boy replies, ""isn't that what you give dad when HIS shit won't get hard?!"""

"If you cut your goat in half you'll have two goats, that's just simple math."

"What happened to Kim Jong? He was ill."