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Joke of the Day

"Things more likely to kill you than Ebola: - choking on a wheat thin - erotic asphyxiation - falling off the toilet - a duck with a gun"

"I'm not the best at giving advice when it comes to tequila So you'll have to take it with a grain of salt..."

"How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, One to hold the light and, one to drink until the room starts spinning!"

"How many Missouri Police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just shoot the room for being black."

"People who do not use the grocery store divider bar can rot in hell."

"Maybe teenagers just aren't strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat"

"Trump's ego is so big... Trump's ego is so big that when he bangs a super-model, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off. -Seth Macfarlane, CC Roast of Trump"

"My wife has the body of a 16 year old She keeps it in the fridge."

"Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks."

"Its supposed to be drizzy today, so expect a lil wayne."