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Joke of the Day

"Things more likely to kill you than Ebola: - choking on a wheat thin - erotic asphyxiation - falling off the toilet - a duck with a gun"

"[god creating snakes] how about a sock that's angry all the time"

"I like to stop drinking somewhere between ""watch this"" and ""ohhhhhh shit""."

"IRS Agent: What's all this? Bracken: Well you told me to bring all my records with me and I did. Here's some by Willie Nelson Tammy Wynette and Garth Brooks . . ."

"What do you call a pit full of donkeys? An asshole."

"Interviewer: says here you have a military background Me [getting out my phone]: yeah but I changed to a picture of my dog eating spaghetti"

"Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side? A: She didn't know where to buy Left Guard!"

"What's the difference between black people and cancer? Cancer got Jobs"

"[death row] Guard: Any last words? Me: [smugly] photosynthesis. Guard: ... Me: it sounded longer in my head."

"What do you call a laughing labradoodle? A snickerdoodle."