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Joke of the Day

"What do you call cows that don't have a sense of humor? Feminists."

"My husband said I was passive aggressive so I punched him in the face and said well, you're half right."

"Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me ""YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO."" Brain: Perfect!"

"I would like to meet the man who invited beer. And buy that guy a beer. Edit: invented."

"Hey, having a good conversation with the cashier? Great. Hurry the fuck up. We have lives, sort of."

"A baby and I locked eyes. I panicked, but thankfully I didn't cry first. Haha stupid baby, I win."

"my dad suggested i sign up to be a organ donor he's a man after my own heart -masai graham"

"Dropped my wallet today & a homeless guy chased me down to give it back. I was so moved I took out all of my money & gave him a free wallet."

"If I got a dollar every time someone called me a racist Black people would rob me."

"What's green and hangs from trees? Elephant snot. Funniest part is seeing people's reaction when you tell it."