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Joke of the Day

"How's it going? ""I'm so glad you asked, really need to talk to someone right now"" You're supposed to say 'fine' & ask how I am. Bye."

"My girlfriend hates my new cologne chloroform... She says it makes her drowsy and gives her a sore ass"

"Since my girlfriend discovered out the eyeroll and tongue sticking emojis she doesn't have to type words anymore."

"Q: How do dogs order eggs at restaurants? A: Pooched."

"Do you know why police dogs are called K9? Well, because if they used ""K10"", they'd be cats."

"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity."

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None because it's already lit fam ^I'm^^so^^^sorry"

"A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk' to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill."

"My friend told me I didn't ""understand"" irony. But then he got a flat tire. Oh, the sweet irony."

"when you push a pull door and the person behind says ""you need to pull"" aye cheers lad sure next plan was to start lifting from the bottom"