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Joke of the Day

"Ha, I told my brother that carbon had seven protons and he believed me. He was mean to me when we were kids."

"*fingers myself with giant foam Sharknado 2 finger"

"Getting a college degree is just like buying a new car Its value is cut in half as soon as you leave the property with it."

"i've decided to start a new healthier lifestyle. I'm adding cranberry juice to my morning Vodka."

"What is the heaviest surgical intervetion that can be done to women ? Getting money and dicks out of their minds."

"What did one ghost say to another? I'm sorry but I just don't believe in people."

"Can we pretend that shooting stars in the night sky are like airplanes? I could sure use comfort that we won't get hit by a meteorite."

"What's the Difference between Jam and Jelly? What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? I can't jelly my cock in your ass. Inspiration taken from How I Met Your Mother :)"

"Drew Barrymore is so hot. That's why E.T. is one of my favorite movies."

"No, YOUR illiterate."