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Joke of the Day

"i've decided to start a new healthier lifestyle. I'm adding cranberry juice to my morning Vodka."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? They woke him up."

"A Thursday night ""Just got Paroled!"" party down the street! Wooooo! HELL YEAH!! I'm gunna wear my best knife for this one y'all!"

"In last night's debate Rick Santorum said ""I can win blue states"" bwahahahahahahhahahha"

"God: NOAH. Noah: Yes Lord? God: Where are the land sharks, flying spiders and the jumping snakes? Noah: Oh nooooo, did I forget those?"

"My girlfriend always likes to pretend to be 14 when we have sex... I don't know why, she'll be 14 in a couple years anyway."

"What kind of books do fruit read? Pulp Fiction"

"You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead."

"A dyslexic walks into a bra..."

"Sex with mentally disabled ppl (okay for work) What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome? . . . Slow clap"