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Joke of the Day

"A girl told me she loved vintage once... So I locked her in the kitchen and told her she couldn't vote"

"Toddler: *crying bc it isn't her turn with the princess crown* Me: Sweetie, you need to share Husband: Just give her the crown, you're 35"

"What do you call a German guy that measure horses Hands"

"Weird how Superman's an alien but looks exactly like a white dude & then he landed in Kansas & not say, mainland China"

"""What'd you do this weekend?"" I was shooting craps. ""Oh you went to a casino?"" *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah."

"Do you ever get a shooting pain through your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they are stabbing it? No? How about now? Now?"

"Which is the most eco-friendly subreddit? r/Jokes, because 99% of its products are made from recycled material."

"Have Egyptians tried unplugging and plugging Egypt?"

"what sorcery is this, the iron wasnt workin, so I took it apart put it together again got left with extra parts and screws but its working??"

"They say make up sex is the best... Good thing, because all the sex I have is made up."