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Joke of the Day

"I think you should say happy birthday 4 times to everyone having a birthday today.. since they only get 1 birthday every 4 years.."

"I like long walks on the beach and lying about being married."

"[Weasel & mink are cuddling, watching a nature documentary] Narrator: ...the mink, a close relative of the weasel Weasel: Oh no Susan oh god"

"I'd like to say the best moment of a woman's life is giving birth, but it's actually seeing an old nemesis and realizing she got really fat."

"Please pray for my friends' 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn't photographed or documented on Facebook today."

"What do priests and zits have in common? They bost bust on 12 year Olds faces"

"Why is your washing machine always laughing? It's taking the piss out of your knickers!"

"When is the Speech Therapy Class? It's hard to say."

"Sex on the beach means sand everywhere. You just do not want extreme exfoliation in some areas."

"Wife: Let's get my mom a special gift; one that will make her lose her mind! Me: How about a guillotine? Wife: Me: I'll be on the couch."