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Joke of the Day

"After spending twenty minutes making up outrageous symptoms, WebMD diagnosed me immature, and an asshole."

"TEACHER: please take off your hat in class *I take off my hat revealing a slightly smaller hat* ME: I can do this 14 more times"

"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending (duh dun dun chh)"

"A boy said to his father one day, ""Dad, when I grow up I want to be a musician."" His father responded, ""I'm sorry, son, you can't have it both ways."""

"Is your refrigerator running? Because there is a fucking dead horse inside of it."

"If you want to piss off a fat person, just date their ex. They hate when someone messes with their leftovers"

"I have a job circumcising elephants at the zoo... The pay sucks, but the tips are great!"

"The Road Runner is a pretentious, cocky fucking asshole and deserves to be eaten. Beep beep that shit, motherfucker."

"What do Marie Curies Notebooks and a defected KGB agent have in common? They both won't be investigated very closely."

"Did you hear about that nightclub for birds? Was Rave'n"