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Joke of the Day

"After spending twenty minutes making up outrageous symptoms, WebMD diagnosed me immature, and an asshole."

"""Whats your biggest weakness?"" ""I'm bad at taking compliments"" ""Actually that's quite endearing"" *Leaps across table, punches him in throat*"

"If you ever want to be bummed all day, think about how Jordan's national carrier is called ""Royal Jordanian Airways"" instead of ""Air Jordan"""

"What happens when you don't pay your exorcist? You get repossessed."

"What's the worst part about being a black jew? Sitting at the back of the oven.."

"Didn't think my kid was ever going to sleep, earlier.You would've thought the cops were here,the way she was resisting a rest."

"Reading the three bears to the boys and six says,""Goldilocks slept in every bed!"" ""Son.That's the meaning of life. Only date brunettes"""

"I have a friend visiting from out of town. What's your fave place in LA to look at your phone??"

"What is the difference between a girl from London and a Kitkat? You only get 4 fingers in a Kitkat."

"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending (duh dun dun chh)"