91501

Joke of the Day

"""I'm in your city"". me: ok. enjoy it."

"I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?"

"My friend asked me if I wanted to walk down a hill with him. I declined."

"BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape."

"The other day I saw a sheep pole dancing in a kebab shop."

"I once slept through a burglary. Next thing I knew I was in the back of a police van."

"judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison my lawyer: your honor my client respectfully requests a year be added to his sentence"

"Remember when only the really cool people were on Twitter? Oh, you weren't here then? Oops, my bad..."

"I used to work at a muffler shop... That shit was exhausting. Then I got a job a vacuum store, but it sucked even more."

"Is it necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down? Not all of us are surgeons."