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Joke of the Day

"*walks up to fountain* *throws in a shiny penny* *crosses fingers* *makes wish* *looks over at mother-in-law* *does throat slash motion*"

"You left a note on the fridge saying ""This isn't working. Goodbye"" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it."

"Mary had a little lamb. The event made medical history."

"Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don't have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire."

"In dog beers, I've only had one ..."

"*Really attractive person waves at me in their car*-*I wave back enthusiastically*-*realizes they were just putting their visor down*"

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. [Credit Jack Handy, I believe]"

"Only at Mcdonalds do they say, ""Sorry about your wait"" and really mean ""weight."""

"With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say Make America Great Britain again!"

"What was the last thing Robin Williams said to his wife? You go on to bed, I'm just going to hang here a while."