91427

Joke of the Day

"I woke up hung-over to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn. He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving."

"YOU: Please be aware-- ME: I'm not. I never will be. I've never even SEEN a ""ware"""

"An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor. He ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, Crushed nuts? No, he said. Arthritis."

"if you press ""up down up down left right left right"" on the soft spot of the baby's head, they do a super move."

"How can you tell if a woman is bi-polar? She works at two different strip clubs."

"What does a Chicago cop say after emptying his clip into a fleeing suspect? ""Stop. Police."""

"What's the funniest part of a boxing joke? You'd think it'd be the punchline, but apparently it's funnier when the person feints..."

"Seriously joggers?! You're gonna run and carry on a conversation at the same time? And I'm all outta breath just finishing this McMuffin!!!"

"Son: ""I got expelled"" Dad: ""How?"" Son: ""I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."" Dad: ""That's pretty dumb but-"" Son: ""Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."" Dad: ""Ok?"" Son: ""And rub 1 out."""

"Funny joke! What is Charlie sheens middle name? Washingma CHARLIE WASHINGMA SHEEN"