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Joke of the Day

"America's future That's the joke"

"*brings a laser pointer to the Broadway showing of Cats and creates utter mayhem*"

"""none of your ridiculous drink recipes tonight, ok dan?"" I promise [later] *stuffing flatbread into blender* WHO WANTS A PITA COLADA"

"My dad's take on 35 years of marriage. Me: ""Mom and Dad, how does it feel to have been married for 35 years?"" Dad: ""Well, it only seems like it's been 5 minutes..."" Mom: ""Awww!"" Dad: ""...Underwater."""

"*lost in China* Friend: ask that man where we are Me [pretending to speak Chinese with a local]: xian chan sen F: well? Me: we're in China"

"Wife and husband laying in bed And the husband says ""honey, tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."" To which the wife replies ""you have a bigger dick than your brother!"""

"A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The guy at the desk replies. ""It's just regular porn you sick fuck."" Note: This is a bot test"

"What do you call homeless BDSM? Vagabondage."

"Hey, if it doesn't work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever."

"Where do porn actresses wait for their turn in a baseball themed orgy? The on-dick circle of course."