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Joke of the Day

"Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes."

"Did you hear about the gay magician? He disappeared with a puff."

"The restraining order doesn't mean we can't hang. It just says I can't get within 50ft of you. You wanna play catch or Frisbee or something?"

"Q: How many Dadaists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: A penguin"

"I used to piss my pants in front of my 3rd grade class.... And it cost me my entire teaching career.."

"How do all races end in the desert? In a cacti!"

"It's way too early in the day for you to be yelling at me, repeating your demands, and making me follow you around, girl. It's over, Dora."

"3yo just yelled ""face-five!"" & slapped his brother in the face. I'm totally using that at work tomorrow."

"Every generation just wants their kids to have a better ""Spiderman"" reboot than they did."

"Some people say I have a dark sense of humor. Not as dark as the charred remains of a holocaust victim."