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Joke of the Day

"""How was your visit to that new therapist?"" ""Waste of time..."" ""...all he did was show me pictures of my parents fighting."""

"Where do the elements go to church? At the Atomic Mass!!"

"My one weakness? Probably my unshakable belief that, despite a total lack of training, I'll be able to do karate if I'm ever in a fight."

"Why did the girl blush when she opened the fridge? She saw the salad dressing."

"Why do cemeteries have fences? Because people are dying to get in."

"A cop pulls over a stoner The cop looks at him and asks ""How high are you?"" to which the stoner replies ""No officer, the correct way to say it is Hi how are you."""

"I named my bathroom ""the Jim"" So I can tell my friends I go to the Jim everyday"

"All I had to do to get back into Twitter was type my credit card number into some web site in Japanese! I'M BACK AMERICA!"

"I think ""dildo"" is an acceptable insult. Like I'd call you a dick, but you're not real enough."

"I caught up with my old English teacher. ""What's new?"" he asked. I said, ""An adjective."""