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Joke of the Day

"3 guys walk into a bar... ... the fourth one ducks."

"""Gotta wake up early"" *sets alarm for 5am* *wakes up at 4:55am to cancel alarm* *goes back to sleep*"

"Why does Peter Parker have a shower in his apartment? He can't get out of a bath."

"Just once when someone says, ""Is anyone there?"" in a scary movie, I want the villain to be like. ""What up. I'm over here. You got me."""

"""OMG why am I so sore?"" *Flashback to me doing five push-ups yesterday* ""Oh right."""

"My friend is a professional sleep-walker. He's just livin the dream."

"I got chased by two Canadian geese today. I know they were Canadian because when they realized I was genuinely scared, they apologized."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Cause seven said, ""I'm gonna stab you, bitch!"""

"What's black and does not work? Decaf Coffee"

"Teacher I can't solve this problem. Any five year old should be able to solve this one. No wonder I can't do it then I'm nearly ten!"