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Joke of the Day
"""OMG why am I so sore?"" *Flashback to me doing five push-ups yesterday* ""Oh right."""
Next Joke
"Social Security. Get it? You will when you're 65."
"Reports say Bernie Sanders found on the mossak fonseca leaked list..... .....he tried to hide thirteen bucks and forty-nine cents."
"*notices battery is at 4%* *goes into airplane mode* *turns down brightness* *exits all apps* *prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*"
"What has nine arms and sucks? Def Leppard."
"A year ago, I likened Trump to an African dictator. Today, I think I owe African dictators an apology."
"Does anyone know watt is the unit for power?"
"What do you call a half native pirate? Metis"
"*Hulk smashes thru courtroom wall* SOMEONE ASK FOR INCREDIBLE WITNESS?! Judge- no, CREDIBLE! Hulk- shit HULK VERRY SORRY BOUT YOUR WALL"
"If the music's too loud you're too old."