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Joke of the Day
"Nothing says I mean business' like using a grocery cart at the liquor store."
Next Joke
"Investment fail In college, an ounce of heady weed was the same price as an ounce of gold. I made terrible investments and now I'm a dog walker."
"[at dentist office] Well you gave me this paper bib and said to put it on how was I to know I wasn't supposed to undress first"
"Punny wednesday The phone rang 'green green' and so I pink up the phone. ""Yellow? Blue is this? Can you speak louder? I can't hear you purplerly, I'll call you black later."""
"How does a solar system have a party? They planet"
"What is the difference between God and a police officer? God doesn't think he's a police officer."
"If you mix Taco Bell hot sauce into your ramen, it tastes exactly like poverty."
"What do read heads get when they don't brush their teeth? Gingervitis Edit: redheads. I am a disgrace."
"What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"
"When the audio cuts out at the end of a newscast and the anchors start chit-chatting I like to pretend it's about my surprise party."