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Joke of the Day

"What is the most independent kind of cheese? Prov alone."

"""I drive like lightening."" ""You drive fast?"" ""No. I hit trees."""

"I'm well pissed off with my neighbour today. Yesterday he kept playing the same Lionel Richie song over and over at full blast. I wouldn't mind normally, but it was all night long."

"Hey, did you hear about that Coldplay concert in China? It was all yellow."

"I don't want to lock my account because I like to help my X's feel better about themselves when they check in & make sure I'm still a drunk."

"The dish drainer is just my default cupboard."

"If anyone thinks I'm a homophobe they can suck my dick. Unless they're a man, because that's unnatural."

"Why do giraffes have long necks? Because their feet stink."

"My neighbours really like Halloween They dress up as ghost every weekend and go out for lynch."

"The last stall in the bathroom at work Has a really, noisy creaky door when you open it. There's some scary shit going on in there......."