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Joke of the Day

"It's a plant shaped like an egg. EGGPLANT! It's a place where we make fire. FIREPLACE! Diving in the sky. SKYDIVING! Humans are creative."

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"toilet issues why did the dutch man have to get off the toilet? because it was all clogged up!"
"Why shouldn't you commit a crime in front of an Indian women? She's always recording."
"Mirror mirror on the wall, can I call you Jim or something cuz I'm not saying mirror mirror on the wall every time. That's just ridiculous"
"If a blind girl tells you your penis is massive... ...she's probably pulling your leg (great show by Jimmy Carr tonight)"
"What does being questioned by interpol have in common with cunnilingus? One slip of the tongue and you're in the shit"
"Breaking News - in Hong Kong, a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying purple paint CNN reports that both crews are marooned"
"I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket"
"Today I extended an olive branch to my enemy. As hard as I could and right in the eye."
"TIFU by eating a U-Boat. Whoops, wrong sub."