90972

Joke of the Day

"I bet when the first guy wore glasses everybody was like ""Oh la de da, excuse me Mr. I Need TWO Monocles."""

"A gambler hits the jackpot *What are we going to spend 10 million dollars on?* - asks his wife. ""31 black"""

"The inventor of the Red Solo Cup had died. His body was found under the sofa in the living room three days after his death."

"I like my women like I like my microwaves Small, white, and will kill any baby I put inside it."

"""Sure Chief, you can join us for dinner this year. But in the future, you're gonna need reservations."" -Pilgrims, at the first Thanksgiving"

"(Hope this isn't a repost) What happens when a stormtrooper and a redshirt get in a fight? The stormtrooper misses every shot, but the red shirt still dies."

"Saw a TV at the dumpster with a sign that said 'free TV' and boy do I feel stupid, I paid $200 for the last TV sitting at a dumpster"

"Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC? Because it was on old croc."

"When I go to a restaurant, I stare at the menu for 10 minutes, and then order the exact same thing I did the last 20 times I've been there."

"911: What's your emergency? THE BARISTO IS HAVING A STROKE 911: Barista? IT'S A GUY. BARISTO 911: No, it's still- Nm he's dead now"