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Joke of the Day

"It's warmer now, but I'm colder than when it was colder."

"Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong... I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat."

"If she's not ruining your life.....She's just not that into you."

"Yo mama is so fat that we were unable to put her under for the surgery. I'm sorry, there's nothing we could do."

"What's the worst part about being a black Jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven."

"I know a lesbian... She really likes Mary Jane."

"I can't believe its pancake day again already.. It's really creped up on me!"

"Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way."

"Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned."

"Hey wanna take the elevator with me and discuss what day of the week it feels like? And then we can go over what day it actually is, deal?"