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Joke of the Day

"A man tried to sell me a coffin today I told him that was the last thing I needed."

"I used to see people alone at restaurants and feel bad for them. Now I'm with a screaming two year old wondering, ""Who is that solo genius?"""

"Customer: Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials? Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special."

"What would u do if u won the lotto? 10yo: Buy legos & a bigger house for u. 11yo: I'd buy a monkey. Going to be extra nice to my 10yo."

"What do you call a reptile that can't grow its tail back? (_) ( _)>- (_) A Reptile Dysfunction."

"A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression. It's called Trycoxagain."

"Leo finally won an Oscar. His acting must have been a solid 5/7."

"Why are women such bad drivers? Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom."

"For once in my life, I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis."

"So I went to the doctor's office today. He tells me I need to stop masturbating. I ask him why, is my heart to weak, or something? He says ""no, im trying to examine you.."