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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to fire one of the guys that works at my mayonnaise factory. He keeps asking for a mayoRaise."

"I picked my nose in traffic today. Secretly hoping a tweeter who had run out of joke material saw me. You've gotta give to get, people."

"What's the atheist's view on God? Nahweh."

"What do you call a Hawaiian with a cold? A Polysneezin."

"Knock Knock Who's there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said you'd Never Forget"

"I hate to tell patients that they've become physically mute... They're always speechless."

"I don't know what disturbs me more about my attraction towards my girlfriends mother. The fact that she's 51 or the fact that she's also my mother."

"I'm not a Facebook status, you don't have to like me."

"1969: America winning space race with the Russians 2014: America keeping up with the Kardashians."

"Why is Kim Jong Un a terrible leader? [removed]"