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Joke of the Day

"I drank 2 energy drinks to keep me aware while I drive but the only thing I'm aware of now is how many inanimate objects have jazz hands."

"Why do psychics ask questions?"

"I met two guys named Otto and Manuel at a party... ...Manuel made me do all the talking but Otto wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise!"

"""Have a nice day at the plant!"" -wife caterpillar to husband caterpillar in the morning"

"What do you call an angle that is cute ? Acute angle."

"What's yellow comes from Peru and is completely unknown ? Waterloo Bear Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin !"

"Today I went to the convenience store to pick up some condoms. When I walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked ""Would you like a bag?"" I replied ""No, she's not that ugly"""

"My mother went missing in Vietnam during the war... Momma MIA!"

"Maybe Aliens don't visit us because they're all women and they want us to make the first move."

"I was born disabled I couldn't walk, had no hair, couldn't talk, just laid there and shit myself...."