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Joke of the Day

"Today I went to the convenience store to pick up some condoms. When I walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked ""Would you like a bag?"" I replied ""No, she's not that ugly"""

"Why did the stoplight turn red? Well, you would too, if you had to change in front of that many people!"

"Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree ? A: Because it was dead."

"If I hear a bump in the night, I'm hoping my kids investigate and annoy any potential intruder until he leaves."

"What is a bullfighter's favourite type of car? A cabri - ole"

"Christmas breakup: play Lexus commercial theme, when they run outside have all their crap packed for them on your driveway, lock the door."

"This bar smells so bad and I can't tell who's homeless and who's a hipster."

"A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Shit Sherlock Research Institute."

"Just got arrested in an airport in North Carolina for peeing sitting down in the men's room."

"Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale it read ""one at a time please"""