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Joke of the Day

"Waiter this coffee tastes like dirt! Yes sir thats because it was only ground this morning."

"Before Twitter, I'd ignore dumb thoughts in my head like ""How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?"" Now, I tweet them"

"What do cookies do when they have sex? They crumb. Alternate: ""What does a cookie say when its having sex?"" ""I'm crumbing"""

"There are so many news articles about gametes nowadays... I guess that goes to prove that sex cells."

"Me: Can I have some of your candy? 3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Deal. Wife: NO!"

"[Starwars] How can you tell Luke is Uncircumcised? Because he has Force Kin."

"Gay Dinosaur What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass"

"What do terrorist Weight Watchers use? Weapons of mass-reduction."

"I heard a noise downstairs, so naturally I came down to investigate in my towel, post-shower. Exactly. I'M the idiot in a slasher film."

"Dating Tips. C all her 69 times a day. R ing her doorbell and hide. E avesdrop by phone tapping. E ye her bffs. P oke her on FB."