199660

Joke of the Day

"I heard a noise downstairs, so naturally I came down to investigate in my towel, post-shower. Exactly. I'M the idiot in a slasher film."

"Why is Peter pan always flying? Because he neverlands"

"There's Only One Thing I hate More Than a Litterbug... ...having a dirty car."

"Q: Why did the one-handed man cross the road? A: To get to the second hand shop."

"How do you make holy water? You boil the Hell out of it. My 12-year-old daughter claims to have invented this joke this weekend. I don't know if it's original or not."

"If H20 is on the inside of fire hydrants, what is on the outside? K9P."

"Trump and Pence are so homophobic ... ... they couldn't get a mandate. HAHAHA! A lot of people are going to die in the next 4 years."

"I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 3 years. I'm blind"

"There's been lots of ""OH MY GOD!"" screams coming from the room opposite mine; I just wish the couple in there didn't pick now to be praying."

"5-year-old: Dad! Dad! My sister- Me: Stop tattling. I don't want to hear about it unless there's blood. 5: Me: 5: How much blood?"