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Joke of the Day

"That uncomfortable feeling when... You're at the doctors office getting your prostate checked and notice both of the doctor's hands on the table next to yours."

"What did the grand chess master say to the recovering alcoholic after he beat him in a game of chess? I was 12 steps ahead of you from the beginning!"

"For something that has nine lives, you'd think this cat would spend at least one of them not being an annoying cunt."

"Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things, literally."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh! ... I'll show my way out"

"One for the school kids this morning. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros? Elephino."

"Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool so I decided to give him a glass of water."

"I've never skydived but I've checked Twitter on my phone while standing over a toilet. So, I get the gist."

"I asked my dad if he ever got around to checking out the cookbook I wrote. He said yeah, and it was about thyme."

"A thing I learned at this week's staff meeting is that I have restless leg syndrome when I sleep."