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Joke of the Day

"Clueless boyfriend walks into publix to buy condoms. Can't find them. Finally goes in the right aisle. Proceeds to have sex. Publix: where shopping is a pleasure... ...or lack there of."

"You remind me of my pinkie toe because I know I'm eventually going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my place."

"it takes a while say, ""you wore that shirt the day after yesterday"", and see how long it takes for them to get it"

"How is marriage like a tornado? At first there is a lot of sucking and blowing, but when it's over your house is gone."

"Recipes sound good until you realize that you don't have $846 worth of spices in your house."

"I told the dog it is weird that he follows me into the bathroom all the time. So he walked out. Now I'm weirded out that he speaks English."

"My Phone autocorrected ""wish you were here"" to ""wish you were beer"" and I sent it anyways"

"A list of compelling arguments regarding the existence of God."

"What's fatter than your mom? Your mom after her next meal."

"What do you call a guy that hangs around with musicians? A drummer."