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Joke of the Day

"UGH, I was planning this big romantic dinner for two and then my wife called to say she'd be home."

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip..."

"I don't see why we're worried about running out of resources. I mean, how many people can there be in the world? Like a million?"

"This will probably get buried. . . It's a coffin."

"Sometimes you have to make a stand. Not there though. You're blocking the TV."

"If I bought a balloon for $0.99 ... How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?"

"Did you hear about the Mexican Train Killer? He had Loco motives"

"Remember: You don't owe anybody anything. Unless they killed someone for you. Then they probably deserve a nice gift card."

"I saw Jesus on the bus today. He was the Juan in front of me."

"Easy IQ Test: starting from 160, subtract 10 points for each honk of a car alarm before the owner can figure out how to turn it off."