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Joke of the Day

"How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram"

"Nothing like an old high school crush finding you & friending you on Facebook because he needs cows or some shit for Farmville."

"I'm 72 minutes in trying to reverse whatever my 3 y/o nephew did in one second to the TV remote."

"The person who is your first and last thought of the day is either the one who has your heart, or who's murder you're secretly plotting."

"What's the difference between Jesus and his portrait ? His portrait only need one nail"

"i hate to get political on here but like honestly smokin weed is frickin sweet as hell ha ha"

"Why do cats and dogs lick their own genitals? Because they can reach."

"So what are you doing today?? ""So what are you doing today?"" - ""Nothing."" - ""What the heck, you were doing nothing the whole day yesterday!"" - ""That's right, and I'm not finished yet."""

"Feel like Woods household right now is a bunch of people brainstorming, ""what is any other plausible reason for this accident?"""

"I love horror movies until it's time to do laundry in the basement and I have to run up the stairs before a scary force pulls me back down."