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Joke of the Day

"Why do Australians take forever to play chess? Because they never make it past the first check, mate."

"Self-promoting on the walls of a public bathroom is weird but always having the Sharpie on hand is weirder. Anyway for a good time call me."

"I don't get why everyone told me how great it is to swim with dolphins. I've been stuck in this tuna net for five days."

"I remember last year... It's like it was yesterday."

"How many population geneticists does it take to change a light bulb? It's independent of population size."

"What's the best thing about have sex with a lady boy You can reach round and pretend its went all the way through"

"My wife told me she'll leave me if I go blind. I guess I'll just have to see."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your dick into an asshole..."

"Netflix is making a documentary on the upcoming presidential inauguration. They're calling it ""Orange is the New Black""."

"Opinions are like orgasms, mine's more important and I don't give a fuck if she has one."