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Joke of the Day

"My Netflix subscription feels like one of those abusive relationships people are afraid of leaving."

"Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back."

"[Doctor's Office] Dr: I'm not going to candy-coat this.... Me: *misses bad results of test because I'm imagining a coat made of Skittles*"

"Why didn't the guitarist get laid? Because he had bad pickups"

"Hey dad, how does it feel to have such a handsome son? I don't know son, ask your grandfather."

"Where did little Suzzie go after the explosion? Everywhere."

"What do you call a cow abortion? De-calf"

"Seems like most rioting in the world happens in the countries with the least bacon."

"How to turn a dishwasher into a snow blower? Give the bitch a shovel"

"For the first time ever I find Hillary relatable. I'm not president either."