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Joke of the Day

"What's brown and runny Usain Bolt"

"Had sex for an hour and 30 seconds today Thankyou daylight savings"

"Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!"

"Why are baseball players so cool? They always have their fans around."

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing at all... you already told her twice"

"Did you hear about the secret cure for everything that the government doesn't want us to know about? Exactly..."

"While you're busy staring at your phone flirting, your bored and neglected spouse is probably out fcuking someone else for real."

"STUDENT: Will there be a final? PROFESSOR: Does a bear shit in the woods? BEAR STUDENT: *from the back row* Thats none of your damn business"

"Dumb one-liner of the day: I imagine veterinarians who treat ducks put up with a lot of undeserved grief."

"My retirement plan is to die young and broke."