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Joke of the Day

"Hush Puppies I felt like getting some Hush Puppies, but wanted something a bit more intense, so I went to the biker bar and ordered some Shut the Fuck Up Puppies"

"Some days you're just really stupid. 365 to be exact."

"what lies dead, a hundred feet in the air? a dead centipede"

"[first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] ""Dr that's the model skeleton"""

"Every time I see a white work van, I beat the driver unconscious, and check in the back. Sooner or later I'll be a hero."

"Granddad once told me there's one requirement for a funny joke... And it's telling it in a funny voice."

"Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties."

"What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road? Look out for the mice!"

"Dear Edward, maybe the reason you can't read Bella's mind is because there's nothing in her head. Sincerely, Logic."

"What did a pirate say to fellow pirate? Are you seeding?"