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Joke of the Day

"What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road? Look out for the mice!"

"Girls are like rocks skip the flat ones"

"I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients."

"*1st date* [Be cool, just dont let her know youre a 1st generation PS3] So where do y- *internal cooling fan drowns out entire conversation*"

"Tip: ""At the same time"" has more characters than ""simultaneously."" The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder."

"My 9yo son just gave me a hug and told me thank you for not naming him Dick."

"Want to know how to amuse a blonde for hours? Write please turn over on both sides of the paper!"

"What does a man keep in his pants that often pokes the hole it's poked before? His keys, you filthy-minded bastard."

"So a priest and a kid walk into the forest The kid says to the priest, ""wow, im pretty scared."" the priest says, ""your scared? I have to walk out of here alone."""

"Summing up things about this year 2015: I am officially THE WORST YEAR EVER! 2016: Hold my beer."