89278

Joke of the Day

"Jill: How did you find the weather on your vacation? Bill: I just went outside and there it was!"

"Her: Show me your pics Me: Ok *blackberry restarts* *waiting* *gets married* *have kids* Son: Dad, your phone finished restarting *dies*"

"Kinda miss the Jane Austen era where a man is driven mad by a woman's hand being ungloved & yet oblivious to her heaving bosom falling out."

"An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job... No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high wanking officer"

"[takes a sip at wine tasting] Ah yes, this is nice. You can really taste the wet dog and Code Red Mountain Dew."

"I'm sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That's your new name now, there's nothing we can do about it."

"My wife fell down a wishing well... I was amazed, I never knew they worked."

"I hate scrubbing the floor It's beneath me."

"Why are MMA fighters told not to blow their nose when in a fight? Oops, this was supposed to be for /r/explainlikeimfive. There's no punch line!"

"Did you hear the one about the woman who went on a fishing trip with 7 guys... ...and came home with a big red snapper?"