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Joke of the Day

"Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE"

"What do you call a bad cow joke? Udderly terrible!"

"Glad they redesigned Gmail---I've been dying to compose an email farther to the right."

"If I had 3 wishes I'd spend them on my daughter. Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll."

"Honey, I made the news! Apparently that old lady I fought at the library wasn't a ghost"

"What's the difference between a snowman and snow-women? Snow-balls."

"What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of the turtle? Weeeeeeeeee"

"One step forward for cancer research, two steps back for women getting men to go down on them. Thanks, Michael Douglas"

"Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops? Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms."

"So you hate Facebook? Thanks for sharing that with me on Facebook."