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Joke of the Day

"Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant? Right before the tanks were full he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car."

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"Be the first thought on her mind when she wakes up & the last before she sleeps... unless she's plotting your murder... then don't be that."
"I like my coffee how I like my women... imported"
"Right before Abe Lincoln was shot Mary Todd Lincoln: See honey, I told you it wouldn't kill you to take me out sometime."
"How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves"
"Sorry I moaned seductively while eating a Gogurt at your bible study group."
"The Internet: An electronic version of, ""Now, why did I walk into this room?"""
"In the Navy, how do you separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar."
"Was there a good turnout at the Bernie Sanders rally? There were a lot of people, but I wouldn't say it was super pac'd."
"I'll take a girl with a sharp wit. Wits never sag."