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Joke of the Day

"[posing nude] ME: make sure to capture all of my body's contours DMV GUY: again, this is entirely inappropriate for a license photo"

"Yo mama so ugly... ...when she plays Mortal Kombat, Scorpion says ""STAY OVER THERE!"""

"How did Chad Kroeger lose a quarter? Everyone who bought his tickets wanted their nickelback"

"I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket. ""Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"My mom just texted me to say that her dog killed 2 groundhogs in her backyard this morning so I think she may be doing Groundhog Day wrong."

"What do gay people call each other on? Homophones!"

"Billy has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? Diabetes. Billy has diabetes."

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews? Harry Potter escaped the Chamber."

"What are the three words that men hate to hear during sex? ""Are you done?"""

"""Don't make me regret this."" -things I think when accepting a friend request."