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Joke of the Day

"McDonald's serves up 1 billion ""abortions on toast"" They've sold 1 billion of [these](http://i.imgur.com/d9CDgON.jpg)...the egg-mcmuffin"

"Why did the chicken run across the road? She was worried the egg would get there first."

"My girlfriend's not up for being fisted tonight. I guess I'll just put my feet up."

"Why has ""America"" been abbreviated to USA Because it has to Capitalize everything"

"Today I saw two blind people fighting I shouted ""I'm supporting the one with the knife!"" They both run away."

"If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I'd choke to death swallowing it."

"Life is like a toilet paper... You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."

"A pirate walls into a bar And he has a ships wheel attached to his belt buckle. The bartender says ""what's with the ships wheel on your belt buckle?"" The pirate responds ""Aaarr! It's drivin me nuts!"""

"A comedian committed suicide today... Took a knife straight to the jocular vein."

"Yo Mama's so fat that when she sits on the beach whales swim up to her and sing ""We are family...!"""