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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's not up for being fisted tonight. I guess I'll just put my feet up."

"Why should you never kiss a slutty bird? Because you might get chirpies, which is a canararial disease, but don't worry, it's tweetable."

"I'm thinking of writing a Mystery novel... or am I?"

"We can't control the wind, but we have the power to adjust the sails."

"What's a Jamaican's favorite brand of paint? Benjammin Moore mon"

"A candle is my girlfriend... She is very hot"

"Mozart got sick and tired and decided to slaughter all his chickens. They wouldn't stop going Bach bach bach."

"No, I can't come to your wedding. I just realized the remote works through the blanket."

"I recently started smoking... It was all dunhill from there"

"Hey dude, there's 10 empty urinals in here no need to stand right next to... And now he's talking to me! Someone call 911!"