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Joke of the Day

"If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I'd choke to death swallowing it."

"Rand Paul's debate strategy has been leaked. He's going to filibuster the GOP debate."

"Had bacon this morning, made Monday joke, drinking coffee, will masturbate later. I AM TWITTER!"

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his Girlfriend? Wiped his ass"

"difference between a crow and a raven one has 4 pinion feathers and the other has 5 pinion feathers, so the difference is a matter of a pinion"

"Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee's you're buying it off of sure can."

"A battery's life sucks. You're either working or you're dead."

"When I have kids I'm gonna tell them drugs are good for them. It's the only way I can be sure they won't try them."

"I've been told I'm a compulsive liar and a hypochondriac but I don't worry about it."

"How does Lord Voldemort like his pussy? (whisper) HHAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY"