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Joke of the Day

"I hope to die the same way my grandfather died Asleep. Not screaming like everyone else in the car."

"Why didn't the sailors play cards on the deck? Because the captain was sitting on the top of the deck."

"Why do women have short feet? So they can stand closer to the sink"

"I'm not saying I'm a bad cook. But how long does pasta stay in the toaster?"

"Why do Native Americans hate snow? It's white and it's all over their land."

"Where others used to bloat facial features or apply some filters to make someone look ugly. I could proudly boast #NoFilter"

"Got a $15000 parking fine!!..I didn't see a sign saying you couldn't park on pedestrians."

"""i am equally happy on the couch watching netflix or at a party with friends"" = ""the human condition is one of sickness & contradiction"""

"What do you call a murderer who kills during breakfast time? A cereal killer"

"Why does a pencil shave? To look sharp"