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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I tried to strengthen my immune system by asking your wife to breast feed me."

"My biggest fear in life is dying from the .01% of germs that the hand sanitizer doesn't kill."

"What does a redneck garden gnome hate more than anything? Transplants"

"What did the scientist say after attacking his colleague with sodium chloride? That's a salt!"

"I tried to explain what a double entendre is But it's sooo hard."

"So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood."

"Nothing brings neighbors together, like a broken elevator."

"I hope I'm never involved in a long trial, mostly because I only own one suit."

"A guy storms home and yells at his wife ""You slut! I know everything!"" The wife smirks, and calmly replies: ""Oh yeah? Then how high is Everest?"""

"Flew out of top hat. Flew out of limousine. Flew out of church. -Dove Resume"