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Joke of the Day

"ENGLAND: people are CROSSING OUR BORDERS for ECONOMIC ADVANCEMENT!!! THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED WORLD FROM LIKE 1583 to 1997: u don't say"

"while out today at a restaurant... my waitress had a black eye. so when i ordered i made sure i talked verrrryyyy slowww obviously she wasnt a good listener."

"[Poor Taste] What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire."

"In a restaurant: Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!! In a restaurant: Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!! Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation."

"What do you call an Igloo without a toilet ? An Ig !"

"What did the blondes left leg say to her right? Nothing... They've never met"

"So this ray of light broke bad. It was put in prism."

"Our Uber driver is literally participating in our conversation as if he's a full-fledged part of it. It's odd."

"We gave The Gap shit for the new logo. Then we gave The Gap shit for pulling it. Congratulations. We are a collective psychotic girlfriend."

"[10 mins into couples therapy] Therapist: I cannot help you two. Me: Let's go, Betsy! See! She doesn't listen! T: GET YOUR DOG OFF MY COUCH!"