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Joke of the Day

"[10 mins into couples therapy] Therapist: I cannot help you two. Me: Let's go, Betsy! See! She doesn't listen! T: GET YOUR DOG OFF MY COUCH!"

"How many Irish folk singers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and one to sing about how grand the old bulb was."

"Researchers say men are 3 times more likely to be the first to say ""I love you"", than women. In our defence, ladies, we don't mean it"

"Drink like a fish and you'll never feel like a fish out of water socially. You might look like one but you'll never feel like one..."

"There is nothing wrong with sex before marriage... ... as long as it doesn't delay the wedding."

"What's a cheese's favorite kind of drug? Amfetamines"

"king kong would have done better at work if he perfected his elevator pitch. yea, that one's a zero."

"friend of mine collapsed while he was putting the washing out the other day and had to be rushed to hospital. He almost pegged it."

"[tearing off our clothes] Her: I want you. Take off your shoes. *kicks flip-flop through her TV*"

"Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards."