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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between my daughter and my wife? I need viagra to maintain erection with my wife."

"Such bullshit that people stop saying ""You ate it all! Good job!"" once you reach a certain age"

"Gather round children, for my machine powered by round children"

"""Brace yourself."" -lazy orthodontist"

"You're a special combination of disappointment, and What The Fcuk!?'"

"Do you have pet insurance? Coz I'm gonna destroy your pussy tonight"

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of boats? Because if they fell foward, they would still be on the boat."

"Being single is nice because I don't have to repeat my mumbled gibberish in a defensive tone."

"Thinking about having kids? Buy a plant. If you can keep it alive for 18 years, hopefully you're too old to have kids by then."

"How do you keep a homo in suspense? I'll tell you in the morning."