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Joke of the Day

"Top Five Creepy Things: 5) Dark and stormy nights 4) Spiders 3) Cars with eyelashes 2) Decaf drinkers 1) People who take one bite of cake"

"Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'. Then I considered 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream."

"Why did the prisoners switch to liquid soap in the shower? Because it's harder to pick up."

"What do you call a black man who flies a plane? The pilot. ^^^^^You ^^^^^racist ^^^^^fuck."

"What do you call a virus that affects the command line? Terminal Illness"

"How do you make a tissue dance ? Put a little boogie in it !"

"How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool? ""Okay folks, time to get out of the pool!"""

"Guy told me I have ""Bambi eyes""...is that even a compliment? Oh god, please don't shoot my mother."

"A woman is just like a condom. If she's not on your dick, she's in your wallet."

"Bumped into an old friend. We were both staring down at our phones. We just kept walking."